An encouragement of self love. #LoveYourself Campaign
I don't always agree with what my bias says or does. Some things even annoy me, and yet I still love him.
As an example, I love hearing Suga's talk (Suga is my bias in case you haven't noticed), but the way he slurps his spit when he is considering something, like an old man, really gets on my nerves sometimes.
Sometimes it makes me smile, and then other times I can't hear anything but that slurping sound.
I don't hate it, sometimes it just annoys me, in the same way I can get annoyed at a colleague who can't sit still and always has to tap his foot on the floor.
It's not even something significant, and yet as a fan I almost feel obliged to love every little detail about Suga and I can't mention anything in a semi negative light without worrying that someone is going to tear me to pieces for it.
Yet, if there is anything that my past Kpop experiences have taught me above all else: it is that blind love is a dangerous endeavour!
So here it is: a small history on my Kpop past and why it's okay (and important) not to agree with and adore everything your bias does or says by default.
I used to idolise my idols (pun intended) to the point that I would buy the same clothes they wore (as if I don't do that anymore - haha), buy anything they were marketing, no matter what it was, and if I could even use it, and I would even change my views, because "Oppa is so smart and always right"
It all sort of came crumbling down one day.
I was a big Big Bang fan at the time (say that fast three times: big Big Bang fan). GDs mixtape had just come out. I had pre-ordered it, of course, and hung up his poster.
GD received a lot of hate for his mixtape at the time, and was even accused of plagiarism, which turned into a huge scandal.
Of course, being the loyal fan, I defended him at every turn. On the internet, and in person, to the point where I would search out negative talks about him, just so I could counter them and show support for my idol and let people know that GD "would never do that" and that "he isn't like that at all".
Not that I knew him personally, and yet being a fan, I almost felt that I did. I mean, I knew the name of his dog and his favourite food, and lots of other things I don't even know about my close friends.
Then one day, as I was looking at the poster of GD on my wall, I noticed something I hadn't seen before...
There, in the photo, something was popping out of his pocket.
It was a cigarette pack.
My perfect world crumbled to pieces.
But... GD was an idol. He was supposed to do everything right and never say or do anything bad, and yet here was the evidence that proved otherwise - right there on my poster. On my wall.
It was a true awakening. I had always said that I knew idols weren't perfect and that I saw them as people, but those must have been lies, because I was crushed to find out that he and TOP were chain smokers.
Even a loyal Big Bang fan like me couldn't dismiss that, or excuse it. Smoking, to me, was bad behaviour, especially as a celebrity whom people look up to for guidance.
I was confused because I didn't know how to defend such an action.
Despite being against smoking, I still had an urge to defend it. Because he was my idol. Not even my bias in the group, but still.. my idol.
Sitting there and staring at the poster for a good week, trying to organise my thoughts, I came to a realisation: even if he smoked, I still enjoyed his music, I still had fun watching him on shows, and I didn't regret pre-ordering his mixtape, because I liked the songs.
Even though I couldn't quite look at the poster the same way, and had to take it down for a few weeks to get over the shock of it all, and to accept the fact that he was a smoker and that it was okay to like him despite not agreeing with his bad habit.
Loving someone doesn't mean loving everything they do or everything about them.
Being a fan of someone doesn't mean supporting them no matter what they say and do.
I'm perfectly allowed not to love the beauty spot on my bias' lower back, and perfectly allowed not to care if he even has a beauty spot on his lower back (does he though...? Tell me, now I need to know).
I appreciate my bias as a human who makes good music and knows how to keep me entertained, not as a god or a super human or an alien or... a god (wait did I say that already?).
This isn't about him being human and having flaws.
This is about not giving up the things YOU believe in just to show your love and support. No matter if it's for an idol, or a crush, or someone else.
It's about holding onto your own beliefs. About enjoying and appreciating someone for their talents and humour and kindness, but deciding NOT to jump out of your way to agree with their every word, just because it's them.
"Don't be trapped in someone else's dreams."
Isn't that exactly what BTS is always trying to tell us in so many different ways?
Yes I love my bias and will support him by buying albums and defending him, when I believe his is right, but I don't need to love everything he says or does.
In fact I don't.
There is a thing that Suga often says, which, morally, I'm 100% against. But that doesn't change my love for him.
During concerts and fansigns Suga sometimes promotes an unhealthy love between fans and idols by saying that all fans are his girlfriend and that fans who date are betrayers.
My moral compass points me to severely frown at this, and disapprove, because I have seen the horrors blind love for a celebrity can cause (and heard worse stories), and saying those words, even for fun, can have big consequences.
I can't condone the behaviour, but here's the thing: I don't need to
It's like having a best friend. I'm not going to agree with everything he says or stands for.
We might get into huge arguments over politics, or what flavour of ice cream is the best, and which way the toilet roll should hang in the bathroom, and I can get annoyed at the way he taps his foot when sitting still, or how he always interrupts when I'm talking.
And yet at the end of the day I'll still appreciate him, and love spending time with him, because we don't need to agree on everything to be best friends.
We don't need to wear the same clothes and like the same foods or music.
I can even tell my friend that I don't like it when he taps his foot, but that's not likely to make him stop.
He might even start tapping his foot louder, just to annoy me.
Actually he definitely would do it louder, just to annoy me, in some strange showcase of friendship. And in return, I'd do my best to find some way to annoy him too.
I feel the same way about my bias. I can appreciate him and his talents without needing to do everything he does, or agree with everything he says, or like everything he likes. I can appreciate him without having to defend his every move, without having to compromise my own beliefs.
I can still fangirl to the max. That's doesn't change. I'm still a fan! I still love the music. I still watch Bangtan Bombs into the early morning and save thousands of photos and gifs on my phone that I go through when I need some cheering up. Fangirling (or fanboying) power to the max!
It is important that we appreciate each other and respect each other - but it's just as important that we appreciate and respect OURSELVES!
Don't cease to be yourself! Do You. Stand by your convictions. You don't need to change who you are or what you like for someone else.
Next time you're looking at a pair of converse, despite saying that you'd never get a pair, ask yourself if you actually started to like the way converse look and genuinely changed your mind, or if you only want a pair because BTS always wear them, even if converse aren't really your style.
At the end of the day: Just do you!